roses and butterflies

changes....

2008-08-27T00:30:00.000-07:00

Lots of changes since last time I wrote ...

After so many problems with everyone I met here I finally moved and I'm staying away from them all.

I'm being me again and it feels good!

But not everything is going fine... It's been 7 months now that I left my hometown to start anew abroad and it is so far from what I expected.

Somehow it was the hardest experience I've ever had to live (and still living) so it is not always easy.

One thing I have most problem with is loneliness as I feel sooo lonely here. It's not easy to make friends, really not and the friends I once had are far away and probably very busy ...

All this made me think a lot about all the people I met before ... It's nice to meet someone new and share memories but then we all go separate ways and this is what I think is hard...

There are so many people I met and wish I could still see them but it's not possible and with time we will forget each other... It's very sad but I need to learn to let go and move on...

The only thing I can do is wish them all good luck !

Here it goes again.....

2008-07-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

This time Miss J is mad at me because since she told me I don't know how to behave, I didn't go to her house.
Reason? She thinks I'm upset and so she's upset herself and said she needs to know why I'm like that!!!!!
What?????
I'm desperate!!!!
I don't understand!? It's been 2 weeks since she was mad at me and I accepted everything she said without saying anything. End of discussion!
Ever since, I've been working from monday to friday 8h a day and at the weekend I'm too tired to go out and visit people. That's why I didn't go to see her or anybody...and to me this is not a problem : you are not obliged to see your family everyday, right?
But according to a friend, here it is common to react like that : get mad at people when they don't come around or if they don't say anything. It's like a tradition....

So, I better get used to it!!!!

What the world needs now is love....

2008-07-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

Love, love, love...
I'm in love, I love you.
This is a nice feeling but what is love really?
Does someone has the answer because I'm kind of lost right now....

Around me I see a lot of couples but they are strange to me because they say to each other :
"I love you but I will go away from you"
"I love you so I accept that you cheat on me because I don't know what it is like living without you"
"I love you but I don"t know if I'm in love with you"
"I love you so I don't say anything when you mistreat me"...

So what is love then?
Is it being with someone accepting everything?
Is it finding your missing part and trying to adjust it to you?
Is it accepting to share your life with someone, listening to their feelings, being listened to and building a strong relationship?
Or, is it just a way of not spending your life alone?

I've always been naive and thought love was the most beautiful thing in the world but through time and what I saw, love lost its meaning.

Today, I'm in love and I'm loved and despite all the wrong things that can happen, I want everything to be beautiful....will it be?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter I'm just trying to understand, even if when it comes to love there is nothing to understand, just experience......

Work, boulot, trabajo.....

2008-07-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I always end up in strange places when it comes to work.

Last year it was the company in the middle of sugar cane's fields and this year it's the company where you work for free.

Let me explain : here you work extra hours at the weekend and you don't get paid for it as it is considered as helping the company making profit. Nice?

It is terrible and the staff does it without complaining because there is no other choice....so it is not easy everyday to work there!

Anyway, I'm not there forever and I'm trying to learn as much as I can....

I'm stupid!

2008-07-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

According to Mister U I'm stupid because I don't know the answer to all the important questions about life.

It took me 24 years and a conversation with mister U to come to this conclusion. Facing him I didn't know what to say but right now I know what to answer :

"Yes I"m stupid but it's normal I'm not very experienced and I'm here to learn from everything and everyone. To me everyday is a new learning session because I'm surrounded but generous people who don't mind sharing their experiences with me. And I'm sure that in years from now I'll be a lot less stupid!"

So, sorry mister U I'm stupid and I'm proud to be!

Friends!!!!!

2008-07-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

A place that I miss a lot is Miss A's workplace where I used to go when I was feeling happy, sad, tired ...to chat or to drink a nice cup of tea...

I miss the place but I miss the person working in it even more!

Now when I want to be cheered up I go back to the series "friends". I know it's kind of pathetic but it makes me less homesick and it always makes me laugh...

So, I've got to say to you all that even far away you're always with me and watching Friends I see you all and it makes me feel less lonely.

So (bis), only for you to know I LOVE YOU ALL

Tryin' to be "in" in Reunion Island

2008-07-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

Coming here one thing I had in mind was to make friends not to feel depressed but making friends is not that easy here, believe me!
What they like about me is that I come from France, it means I can talk to them but I'm not perfect : I don't wear designer clothes, shame on me!!!!

Sorry, I'm a poor student and I preferred traveling to designer clothes! (I keep them for my upcoming glorious days, hihi)

But I'm fortunate, I've been introduced to people and they showed me what it was like to be "in".
So let me tell you : you have to replace water by champagne, eat nothing, go clubbing in the VIP section thanks to your gold member card with 3 bottles of champagne. All this with your friends.
Then, throw up in the street, wake up the following day with the worst hangover and say "wow, I had the best time of my life!"

After that night I thought that I didn't like that much being "in" because it's not fun at all even if you drink champagne (they don't even know Ruinart).

So, I have no friends, non-designer clothes and I drink water and tea but I'm ok, after all...

Oh, another sign of totally being "in" : eat fries and steak drinking champagne. Isn't it glamorous?! Noooooooo!!!!!!

Please save me!!!!

what is wrong with me???

2008-07-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

According to miss J. I have a bad behavior.
Why would you ask? Simply because I was upset for 5 mins when she asked me to clean.
Funny person that I am. We had a party, went to bed at 4 am got up at 10.30 am and once awoke little miss Rachel was asked to clean so she was upset but still she did what she was asked to do.
Miss J. said this was unbelievable and that it was not a way to behave. She added that I had not been raised properly.
I would have agreed if I had said something, did something wrong in purpose, but I didn't. I was just upset for 5 mins.
What a nasty person that I am! Bad, bad, bad Rachel.

Well I may not know how to behave but at least I know how to respect people contrary to miss J.